Tails of a Working Mom: I Sit On Your Lap!

So unfortunately I have not been able to update my blog as often as I would like. Originally my goal was two posts a week, but it looks like I am probably going to have to stick with one post a week. Things have been crazy! With Goober’s birthday party, Halloween, and then both kids getting sick, it has been none stop running for weeks now! Just when we thought we were falling into a pattern and things were going kinda hunky-dory, Goober regresses back into a tantrum jealousy phase and the evenings after work have suddenly become more complicated. Cries of “hold me mommy!” and “Put Frog Face down!” quickly escalate into full on screaming and crying. Not to mention Goober has started to really test her boundaries lately which has caused for some discipline issues at home and at daycare.

So because of recent events, I will save the topic I was originally going to write about (my Baby Wives) for another day and instead discuss something every parent has to deal with: discipline. And for those with multiple kids, the jealousy issue is also a big deal.

Because of the controversial nature of discipline, I am not going to go into a lot of detail about our methods. I was raised in a family that gave spankings and I do believe spankings can be effective if used correctly. Fortunately, Goober is a sensitive child and we can usually get our point across without having to resort to spanking, and when we do, a firm pat on the butt is usually sufficient. Usually just knowing that we are disappointed in her is enough of a punishment, and we do use time-out as the next step if needed. Daycare also uses time-out, so it helps if we are consistent with her care givers.

Ultimately, we try to encourage and praise good behavior. Just like with training an animal, you don’t want to use negative associations, but rewarding good behavior makes the animal have a tendency to do the appropriate behavior again. For the most part this works well. However, lately, Goober has been toeing the line and pushing the boundaries and trying to figure out just how much she can get away with.

For instance, she does not like to go to bed and has become the master at stalling. Last weekend, when Frog Face came down with the dreaded stomach bug, I spent most of the day snuggling and holding my sick little boy. Goober did not appreciate all the attention that he was getting and did not understand that when a child is sick, they need their mom even more. Goober’s bedtime routine consists of lying in bed with the Weatherman and watching some movies on the Ipad. Then after 15-20 minutes I come in and get her and we go potty and brush our teeth. Then it is back to bed for a story with mommy and lights out.

Well on this particular night, she decided she didn’t want to brush her teeth. My explanation about the importance of good oral hygiene was obviously not getting through her three-year-old overly-tired mind. So she did what any typical preschooler might do when she is forced to do something she doesn’t want to: clamp her jaws shut and stubbornly refuse to cooperate. So I held her in my lap and pried her mouth open and brushed her teeth for her. I was not rough or overly forceful, but I let her know that she WAS going to brush her teeth. End. Of. Discussion. As with training an animal, consistency and sticking to your guns is going to get you farther than giving in to a whiney child. Children and animals both need boundaries and structure and to know that when you say something, you mean it, and you WILL follow through. Goober is old enough now to realize her actions have consequences so on days she misbehaves at daycare she does not get any treats/candy/dessert/etc. for the evening. And since she has a sweet tooth like her mommy, this seems to be working pretty well. She also is a very picky eater, so if she doesn’t finish her dinner, then she doesn’t get dessert, which happens quite often unfortunately.

When Frog Face first came along, I knew that there would be jealousy issues. Goober has always been a momma’s girl and loves to have my undivided attention. This is probably a lot of my doing because after being married 8 years, I was beyond thrilled to have a child (and I so badly wanted a girl!) and might have doted on her a bit. But whatever the case, there has been some jealousy in regards to mommy’s attention. Goober loves her little brother and has thankfully never shown any aggression toward him and mostly displays her displeasure in other ways such as throwing a tantrum. Unfortunately Frog Face has also turned into a momma’s boy. This makes the evenings interesting when both have missed me during the day. The Weatherman tries to help, but both kids will start screaming and crying for mommy and want mommy’s undivided attention. When I hold Goober, Frog Face gets upset, when I hold Frog Face, Goober starts screaming. And while Frog Face is content to share my lap with his sister, Goober wants the lap all to herself.

Goober had these jealousy issues for the first few weeks, but things had been going better until about three weeks ago when they came back in full force! I try my hardest to give each child undivided, individualized attention since I know that is what they both desperately need, but it is so hard when we get home from daycare at 5:30 and Frog Face is usually tired and ready for bed by 6:30 and we try to have Goober in bed by 8:30. For that hour before Frog Face goes to bed, I am frantically trying to make dinner and feed Goober. By the time we actually get Frog Face to sleep it is closer to 7:00 and then it is time to start Goober’s bedtime routine so she will actually fall asleep by 8:30. And let’s not even mention how busy things get on bath nights! Also, I have been working a lot of weekends lately and have to work again this coming weekend so it is that much less time I have to spend with the kids.

Ultimately I know it will just take time. Having Goober’s birthday, the holidays, and the time change has thrown us all off. Getting back into a schedule and making sure the kids are in bed at a decent time will help to correct a lot of the problems. I work again this weekend, then have one weekend off, then the weekend of the 23^rd we have a trip planned to visit family back in our home state for my best friend’s wedding (did I mention that we live 8 hours away from all of our family? We haven’t been back to visit since December of last year!). But after that things should slow down for a bit (hopefully). I am looking forward to Thanksgiving break since I will have Thanksgiving Thursday and the following Friday off (hello four day weekend!) so we will hopefully be able to give the kids some much needed individualized attention. We are also going to institute a weekly movie night with Goober now. This Saturday after Frog Face goes to bed we are going to let her stay up late and snuggle with her on a couch with a blanket, popcorn, juice, and a (short) movie. I think this will be a great time to put all the busyness aside and just focus on loving on our child.

We knew that going from 1 to 2 children would be difficult, and boy were we right! But you know what? It is so worth it. Even when Goober is screaming and saying “hold me mommy!” and Frog Face is squealing his little piggy squeal of dissatisfaction, I try to count my blessings and remember: this too shall pass all too quickly.