Tails of a Working Mom: The Great Sleep Debate

“So, is he sleeping through the night yet?”

*sigh*

With my daughter I would cringe inside whenever someone asked me that question because my response for over 2 years of her life was always the same: “no”. My Goober was a horrid sleeper. Absolutely. Horrid. When she was still very much a baby she would wake every 2-3 hours all night to eat. I was very adamant about breast feeding her myself and not sending the Weatherman in with a bottle because I didn’t want her to reject the breast and I didn’t want to jeopardize my milk supply. When she started on whole milk after the age of 1 and I began decreasing my pumping at work, then I would send him in with a sippy of warm milk once a night, but it wasn’t until this past Christmas that she actually started sleeping through the night. Needless to say, I was a zombie, but I eventually did get used to the frequent night wakings (only to have a few months of sleep before I became too big and prego and uncomfortable and was up peeing every hour or two).

We tried everything to get her to sleep: not letting her fall asleep at the breast, laying her down awake, setting a bedtime routine and keeping her on a schedule, playing music and white noise, not playing music and white noise, using a humidifier and not using a humidifier, leaving lights on and having total darkness. I read every sleep-aid book and scoured every website I came across for a little inkling of why she wouldn’t sleep. I could not allow her to cry it out. I have heard wonderful things about it, but that is just not for me and my family. Maybe her sleep would have been better if I had let her scream until she exhausted herself and comforted herself, but every instinct in my mommy body told me not to, and I have learned to listen to those instincts.

I eventually learned to live with it. I had read somewhere that children who woke up a lot at night often turned out to be gifted, and that the frequent night wakings were because their brain was just too active to rest, so I would tell myself this to help me get through another sleep-exhausted day. I held onto the hope that sleep would come eventually.

And you know what? It did. She sleeps very soundly now and despite waking up every now and then due to night terrors, she does great!

Coming through the experience of a poor sleeper and seeing the other side has given me perspective. So when Frog Face started sleeping for 4-6 hour stretches at only a couple weeks old, I flipped! I didn’t know what to do with a child that actually slept well! Should I wake him to feed him? Should I let him sleep? Will this affect my still-being-established milk supply? I did opt for the “let him sleep” method and was grateful for the extra shut eye.

However, that didn’t last long.

Frog Face started having sleep issues about the same time we discovered his dairy allergy. He had terrible gas that would cause him to fuss and wake himself up a lot at night. He would eventually burp or fart after we bounced him a bit and then go back to sleep. He also spits up an insane amount of milk. I would be worried about the amount of milk he spits up if he wasn’t so obviously a chunky monkey (17lbs, in 6-9 month clothing, and not even 4 months old yet!). But the digestive upset caused for sleep upset too, despite gas drops and gripe water.

Then when I started going back to work the sleep issue seemed to get even worse. However, I can’t blame the little guy for waking up more to be with mommy because he is apart from me all day. So without meaning to we have begun to change our sleep habits and become something I never thought we would become: a cosleeping family.

Frog Face starts off in his crib in his own room (he outgrew the pack-n-play next to our bed weeks ago) and will sleep in there for a bit. However, after waking up every 30-60 minutes, he eventually finds his way into our bed snuggled up next to me. I have such mixed feelings about this! There is nothing wrong with cosleeping, but I never viewed us as a cosleeping family either. With Goober, we NEVER let her fall asleep with us because we wanted her to sleep in her own space and we were worried about blankets, overheating, rolling over on her, SIDS, etc. Even when she was sick or we were traveling and I WANTED her to sleep with us, she wouldn't. I also was not very good at nursing lying down. I think that is where things started to change this time around: I learned how to feed Frog Face without having to get out of bed, or even having to wake up much. So after going in to his room to give him his pacifier or feed him for the umpteenth time, I eventually tell the Weatherman to bring him in with me and we all sleep so much better. In fact, some of my favorite moments with Frog Face are watching him sleep as he is contentedly snuggled up next to me.

However, I still hate the question, no matter how well-meaning, of whether my almost-4-month-old son is sleeping well. When did the sleeping habits of our infants become a symbol of baby temperament, development, and overall parenting skills? Just because my child is not sleeping through the night by 6 weeks old doesn't mean I am a bad mother or that I am doing something wrong. Some kids really are just poor sleepers. Also, breast fed babies usually wake up to eat more than formula fed babies since breast milk travels through the digestive track faster, meaning they get hungrier more often.

So there you have it: my son sleeps in bed with us. We will continue to lay him down for naps in his crib and start him off in there at night so he is familiar with it, but for now, this is a battle we are not ready to fight. Sleep is more important for us and he is too young for us to start sleep training more strictly (although I still won’t do CIO even when he is older). And honestly? I like the snuggles. Goober is turning three this weekend and it reminds me of just how fast the time does fly and that before I know it they will both be teenagers and won’t want to have anything to do with me. So for now, while he still thinks I am the center of his world, I am going to soak it up, even at night.