Perspective

One of the many hats I wear at work involves designing signs and graphics for the zoo.  On Friday I was prepping for a big sign order from a new company so I wanted to check the location for the new signs.  I decided to walk around and search out the location because the weather was nice and I knew it was going to get cold and nasty so I didn't want to go walking next week.  As I was out walking in the beautiful 60 degree weather, I found myself looking around the zoo and enjoying the gorgeous landscape, fun animals, and feeling a peace that I haven't felt in a long time.  All too often I get caught up in the business of work that I forget the reason I started working in this field to begin with.  I don't get out of our education building much, and when I do it is usually for zoomobiles.  It's strange: I work at a zoo but I don't often get to actually enjoy the zoo.  I have to literally make time to go out on grounds.  Needless to say, my Friday walk was very refreshing and something I desperately needed.

My home life has been like that a lot lately too.  Bubs started getting sick with a cold, but I knew it was something more than a cold because the cough that came with it just sounded wrong.  Since he didn't have a fever he technically could go to daycare still, but I just thought something wasn't right so we took him in to the doctor to have them confirm bronchiolitus.  This is different from bronchitis which affects the bronchus of the lungs (the large lung tubes) and bronchiolitis affects the smaller passages of the lungs and in many cases (such as Bubs) is caused by RSV.  The pediatrician wasn't terribly concerned since his oxygen levels were still good and he didn't have a fever, so we were sent home and told to wait it out.  We ended up keeping him home from daycare Thursday and Friday and had some rough nights of me being propped up on the couch trying to sleep holding him, and daddy taking shifts rocking him in his room with a humidifier.  I am happy to report that Bubs is feeling better now and still has a cough, but is definitely on the mend.

I feel like life is going too fast.  Like I am not taking the time to enjoy it like I should.  Like I am caught up in the drudgery of the day to day business that I forget to embrace the every day moments that are happening all around me.  My Bubs is 8 months old.  EIGHT MONTHS!  When did that happen?  He can say "dada", he can wave and clap and is trying to crawl.  Where did my little baby go?  Everyone always says time goes fast, so enjoy every moment, but I never believed them until I had my own children and now time really truly is flying by.  Between working so much overtime and the Weatherman teaching and taking classes and the kids sick and demanding, the house needing cleaning and the bills needing to be paid, I forget to slow down and just enjoy.  I know they won't be little forever.  I know that the day will come all too soon when Goober won't want me to play balloon with her in the hallway.  Or that I will look back on those long long nights of rocking a screaming sick Bubs for the tenth time and actually miss it.

I am so grateful for my children and the ability to have children.  They make my world a place that is messy and exhausting and frustrating and wonderful and so worth living and working for.  So much so that even on days I am overwhelmed I am still thinking in the back of my mind what names I would like for our third child who will (God willing) join us someday.  And despite the craziness, I also am wondering how I can convince the Weatherman that we might actually want a 4th to complete our family.  I have family and friends who are not able to have children due to various circumstances, and it makes my heart break.  On days that I feel overwhelmed I think of these people and how they would desperately give almost anything to have what I have.  And then I think of a dear friend who recently lost their beloved 5 year old daughter to an evil form of cancer that she battled so bravely for 3 of her five short years.   It definitely puts things in perspective.  To quote the words of a song "in the middle of my little mess I forget how big I'm blessed".  My kids and my husband are my world.

I also realize how blessed I am to have a career and stable job that I enjoy and I am passionate about.  Sure the hours are long and like many people at many places I feel overworked and underappreciated, but I have insurance, and a bright future, and opportunities that many others would love to have!

So despite the crazy schedule (I have a work trip on Friday where I will be gone from 6am - 10pm and then I work Saturday from 2pm - 8pm, and all this on top of a regular Monday-Thursday week) and despite the cold I caught from my coworker (or maybe from Bubs?) and despite the long sleepless nights, I am going to try to focus on the good instead of the bad.  I am going to try and enjoy the chaos that is my life and the constant pleas of "mommy mommy" from Goober and "wwaaa!!" from Bubs when all I really want to do is curl up in bed with some cough medicine (which I can't take because I am still nursing) and have a Vampire Diaries marathon (my new addiction).  Because at the end of the day, family is what matters.  And remembering what I am working so hard for, not just at home, but on the job as well.  The animals and nature that are my passion and also worth working for.

So my favorite part of the day: when Bubs looked up at me in the dark as I was trying to get him to go to sleep and just stared at me with his big beautiful eyes, smelling so clean and baby-like after his bath.  And when Goober snuggled on the couch with me after her nap as we watched Aristocats together, curled up under a blanket all warm with the snow falling outside.  My world, my loves, my life.  How did I ever survive without them?

So close to crawling!

Bronchiolitis boy

Still cute even when sick

I just love baby feet!