Tails of a Working Mom: 1 vs. 2

Being a parent is a challenge. It is the hardest but most rewarding job in the world. Everyone has their own parenting style that works best for them. However I have noticed that my parenting style has definitely changed from being a first time mom to being a mom for the second time around.

There are some commercials out there by Luvs diapers that hit the nail on the head when it comes to being a mom for the second time. My favorite is the new mother nursing in a restaurant hiding in the corner using a cover and looking around worriedly. The scene then cuts to the same mother with a new child who is matter-of-factly nursing at the table without a cover when the waiter (a young male) comes to take her order. She confidently says “hey, eyes up here” and proceeds to give her order to a startled and stuttering young man.

As mentioned in a previous post, I use a cover when nursing in public, but you get the idea. So here are some things I have noticed that are different for me the second time around.

Confidence. I am much more confident and sure of myself with the second baby. I feel like I can “read” him better and respond to his needs faster too. I am also way way less concerned with doing everything the “right” way and just doing what is right for us. We tried every sleep trick in the book with Goober and she could probably have ranked in the top ten for “World’s Worst Sleepers”. With Frog Face we are much more laid back and still try to establish a good bedtime routine and sleep habits, but if he fusses too much, then he gets to come to bed with me. With Goober we were adamant about not cosleeping, so much so that even if she was sick she could not sleep with us because whenever we brought her into our bed she thought it was party time. Come to think of it, she is still like that! I also learned that even though I am exhausted because of sleep deprivation now (Frog Face seems to be following his sister’s trend of poor sleeping, despite starting off pretty well in this department) that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that he will eventually sleep through the night. Having gone through it once and come out on the other side, it is easier for me to keep things in perspective.

Germs. With Goober, if her pacifier dropped on the ground I would immediately run to wash it off with soap and water. I made people wash their hands before they held her and wouldn't let anyone sick near her. I also pre-washed all Goobers new clothing so it wouldn't irritate her skin. Maybe it’s because Frog Face is so much bigger than Goober was that I feel he is more “sturdy”, or maybe it’s because I know that trying to prevent Goober from sharing her germs with her brother is like trying to get the cats to stop shedding. Now, if a pacifier drops on the floor, I give it a once-over to check for said cat hair then pop it back in his mouth. Same goes for food that falls on the ground for Goober. As long as it appears reasonably clean she can still eat it. This doesn’t mean that I purposefully expose my 3-month-old and 3-year-old to germs, I do avoid them where I can (making Goober wash her hands, trying to prevent daycare kids from sticking their fingers in Frog Face’s mouth so he will “bite” them, etc.) but I don’t freak out about them as much. (Except of course if I know someone has the stomach flu. Then the house gets locked down for quarantine and the kids get put in plastic bubbles with gas masks and hazmat suits). I also call the pediatrician less often and try the “let’s wait and see if it gets better” method. Because of daycare germs, I am pro at handling illnesses, especially colds. Prop one side of the crib up, run a humidifier, use baby chest rub, alternate acetaminophen and ibuprofen (after 6 months) every 4 hours for a fever, and we are good to go!

Multitasking. It is amazing what you can do one-handed when you have to. It is also amazing what you can do while nursing. Frog Face is getting heavier, so it is harder to do things while he is nursing now, but when he was still semi-small I could fix a snack, run a bath, do laundry, and pretty much anything else while he was contentedly latched to my chest like the little leech that he is. I have also become a pro at baby-wearing and will plop Frog Face in a sling and then go about cleaning the house while he “helps” by giving me a baby-jibberish running commentary about how I missed a spot on the counter.

Putting baby down. I specifically remember an incident when Goober was around a week old that I was home by myself with this tiny new baby and I needed to go to the bathroom. The only problem was she was sleeping soundly in my arms. I literally did not know what to do with her. So I somehow managed to pull down my elastic maternity pants and use the bathroom while still holding the sleeping baby. This time around with Frog Face I recognize that it is okay to sit him down with some toys in a safe place while I use the bathroom and if he fusses and (heaven forbid) even cries for a few minutes the world is not going to end. (With that being said, I still don’t like for him to cry and will try to rush the peeing process so I can go get him again).

Going out. Leaving the house is actually much easier for me with Frog Face than it was with Goober. Again, I put that down to more confidence. I know that no matter what happens while we are out, I can handle it. It does help to have the Weatherman with me though so he can take one child and I can take the other. Still, it’s not that bad. It helps that the weather was nicer so taking my just-born Frog Face out in the summer as opposed to taking Goober out in the winter makes things easier too. Also, I pack a lot less with baby #2. With Goober I would pack that diaper bag to the max with toys, clothing, diapers, blankets, a water bottle and snacks for me, etc. and tote it with me everywhere. Now with Frog Face, I still have a diaper bag but it is packed with a lot less crap. Even then the bag usually stays in the car and I only carry my nursing cover (which also functions as a car seat cover, spit up rag, and blanket) and then a small diaper pod that contains a few diapers, wipes, plastic bags, and a small changing pad. I figure if I need anything extra, I can always run out to the car to get it.

There are numerous other areas that are different between Goober and Frog Face as well: I am better at nursing, I do use generic diapers (but name-brand at night since they are more cozy and often hold more), most of Frog Faces outfits are from second hand stores (and most of Goobers now too), I try to take lots of pictures, but I do seem to take less of Frog Face than I did of Goober (mostly because I just don’t have the time to get the camera!) and I realize I don’t actually need all those amazing baby products I thought I needed with baby#1 (re: wipes warmer, although I still love my diaper pail and changing table).

I always knew that the second baby would be different from the first. And this proved true right from the moment he was born (delivered by a nurse because he came too fast for the Dr. to get there…but more on this in a later post). But that first night in the hospital is one I will never forget. Goober slept in the bassinet by my bed (see: sleep training was already on my mind! Also, I didn’t know what to do with her: the nurse actually had to tell me to give her a kiss!) but Frog Face slept in my arms. I figured, he had been curled up with me for the last 40 weeks (plus a couple days) that his first night in this great big world he needed to be curled up with me again.

I wonder how things will change when #3 comes along someday (in the distant future I might add…daycare for 2 kids is expensive enough!).